After well over a decade of navigating asphalt and concrete from sea to polluted sea, I think I have enough experience to give advice on how to properly enjoy the roadways. For the record, in that time span, I have zero accidents and 1 speeding ticket. So here, fair reader, are 3 simple rules to increase your driving aptitude, as well as make other drivers more appreciative of your skills.
Rule Number 1: Proper Lane Usage
OK, everyone raise your left hand, wave it around for a few moments, bask in the glory of the often misunderstood left hand. Now, pretend you are driving on a road with more than one lane of traffic in each direction. The left lane (which is easy to spot, since it’s the lane that matches up with your left hand) is called the PASSING LANE. Say it with me, PAH-SING LANE. And what do we use the PASSING LANE for? Driving? No, you’re smarter than that. The PASSING LANE is for PASSING. So please, unless you’re passing a slower car, stay in the right lane. Trust me, there really isn’t much you’re going to miss out on by not driving in the PASSING LANE. The only thing you’ll miss out on is being on the business end of my frustrations!
Rule Number 2: Cellular Telephones
Now that we know about lefts and rights, please take out your cellular (or mobile of you’re in the UK) telephone (Yes, it’s the same thing as your cell phone). Hold it aloft and smile at it; it will appreciate this since it is rarely thanked for all of its hard work. Put it next to your ear and pretend you’re talking to someone (if you really want to, call a friend and read him or her this column). This amazing piece of technology is one of the most distracting things you can possibly have in your car…when used improperly.
Wait! There’s a “right” and “wrong” way to use my cell phone whilst driving? Yes, of course! Keep reading and become enlightened like Buddha!
The tireless work of amazing inventors and science-types have created a myriad of stunning products to enable you to use your mobile phone whilst minimizing distraction. Here are the 3 most popular ideas:
1. The “headset”
This amazing invention comes in a variety of styles, colors, and functions. It main idea is that you can have this small “speaker” in your ear (just like your ugly white iPod earphones, except only in one ear) and therefore, keep both hands on the wheel. It even has a built in microphone so that you don’t have to speak into the phone.
2. The “speaker phone”
This comes in 2 types, a speakerphone built into the actual phone, or a speakerphone system that can be installed in your motor vehicle. This lovely idea creates the illusion that the person on the other end of your phone is speaking through a small pubic address system. Yes, it can be a bit spooky (and not the best idea if you’re talking about someone else in the car) but, it once again enables the driver to have both hands on the wheel.
3. The “off” button
Now, most cellular phone users are not aware of this, but one can actually turn OFF the device without causing any damage to the unit. This makes it so the phone does not ring and therefore, you will not be distracted by holding the phone to your ear. This “off” function can also be used in other settings (movies, restaurants, other events where you look like a moron when your phone rings when it REALLY shouldn’t).
Above all else, remember that holding your wonderful cellular phone to your ear when having a conversation in the car is ABSOLUTELY unacceptable.
Rule Number 3: Left Hand Turns At Traffic Signals
Occasionally (or always if you’re a NASCAR driver), you make wish to make a left hand turn (remember your left hand from Rule 1? This is the same “left”). Once in a great while, this “left hand turn” (that’s what the pros call ‘em) may occur at a traffic signal (or traffic light if you’re lazy) Even more rarely, there may be a significant amount of traffic coming towards you from the other direction. This, as I have observed, can cause quite a bit of nervousness and turn decent drivers into horrible drivers. So, here’s a quick 5 step guide as to how to properly execute this maneuver.
1. Wait until the car in front of you has made their successful left hand turn.
2. Be sure to check that your traffic signal is not red.
3. Move forward to the middle of the intersection. This seems to be, by far, the most difficult part of this process. You need not go all the way to the other side, but you should be about even with the street onto which you are turning. Don’t worry about getting hit by oncoming traffic,as long as you have not moved too far left, they will not mind. Also, being in his position lessens the amount of time it will take you to make said left turn and enable more people to also turn left during the allotted time.
4. Once there is a space in the oncoming traffic that is wide enough to get your car through without hitting any of the oncoming vehicles, turn left.
5. Smile, knowing that you have made a wonderful left hand turn.
So, there you have it. Three simple rules to maximize your driving experience. Feel free to print this out and keep it in your car for quick reference. However, I suggest NOT reading it while you are in the process of driving, this can lead to a myriad of other problems.
Happy trails!!
Happy trails!!
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