I Get Good Advice From The Advertising World

*insert excuse for taking a month to write a new blog here*

Good, now that we’ve got that out of the way, onto the current thoughts from my overly active brain. No, nothing political here…in fact, in many ways, this blog will be FAR more mellow than what you’ve come to expect…we’ll give it a shot and see what happens…

With all apologies to my friends in the advertising world, sometimes I am completely baffled by how companies choose to market themselves.

I will not be talking about characters of old (like when The Flintstones sold cigarettes), nor will I be using examples that have been beaten to death (Joe the Camel). I will ignore that silly teddy bear who always ends up in the laundry basket, and I will DEFINITELY avoid The Noid!

Wiping The Slate Clean

First and foremost, toilet paper (or tissue if you’re one of them fancy folks) companies…

Seriously, whose idea was it to use a few grizzly bears or a small dog to better sell such a product?

I mean, are we supposed to know that a grizzly’s backside (not a grizzly backside) is equally, if not more, sensitive than that of a human and therefore, their product is superior? Are they trying to imply that if it is good enough to keep the bear from becoming irate, so will it with your average human? Furthermore, do bears have their own Genreal Stores where they buy the TP? Or are we to assume that when bears are not stealing pic-ah-nic baskets, they are raiding the Rangers Station for “necessities.”

Oh, and for the record, I’ve spent lots of time in the woods…and I’ve YET to see a roll of TP conveniently hung on a low branch! LIES I TELL YOU…LIES!!!

Now, the dog…the cute, cuddly dog. This one just leaves me scratching my head (the dog, not the product). A small, fluffy dog is supposed to assure us that their product has been engineered to withstand your most difficult times. In an effort to get this point across, they have a small dog playing with the roll. Seriously, I have nothing more to say on this…I just don’t get it.

OK, we’ll move on…I think I’ve made my point.

Food For Thought

Let me be known that I believe that McDonald’s is one of the greatest evils that this planet faces (except for sausage McMuffin’s with egg and cheese…because those are SOOO tasty!). I have no problem with the red-haired freak of nature that is most commonly associated with Mickey-D’s. But, they have two “side characters” that leave me wondering…

The Hamburglar
Yeah, he is pretty cool looking…and perhaps in another life he was a ninja or something because he is quite crafty with his evil plots to steal hamburgers. But, what sort of a message are they sending? Are they implying that their burgers are SO good that people even want to steal them? Are they trying to convey that it is alright to take their food without paying? Really McDonalds…think about the kids!

Grimace
I really hate to slam this character. After all, he is shaped like an upside-down ice cream cone and he’s purple. Also, he can’t talk and waddles like a drunk penguin. But really, “Grimace” was the best name they could come up with? Granted, it is QUITE appropriate, as that is one usually does when ingesting/digesting the “food” from McDonalds. Which genius of an ad exec came up with this name and character and managed to KEEP their job? The thought makes me want to…errrrr….grimace!

Hopping Mad

This will be one sentence that will cover the final two characters….

If a non-baby rabbit drinks milk, it will die.



When it comes down to it, I would LOVE to be in the meetings when they say, “Yeah…that cute baby…that’s what we’ll use to sell our new line of waffle irons!” Or, “WOW! That strange looking pink creature with yellow spots and a yellow nose is the PERFECT mascot for our baseball team!”

Perhaps these companies are SO smart that I am just too dumb to grasp their AMAZING advertising stra-tee-ger-ies…

Is it so wrong to have a milkman be the mascot for a dairy company? I mean, that only leaves the question of where he goes when the lights go out…

“Oh, really?” News Article Of The Week:

“Spending a lot of time watching TV, playing video games and surfing the Web makes children more prone to a range of health problems including obesity and smoking, U.S. researchers said on Tuesday.”

Taken from: http://www.reuters.com/article/marketsNews/idUSN0149493520081202

Preaching The End Of The World

Let’s face it, the world is, once again, a very scary place. Not 70’s and 80’s New York City scary, but a frightening place nonetheless. Cyclones, terrorism, melting ice caps, earthquakes, A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila, crazy dictators…there are so many things to be worried about in our modern age. As we pave and develop every last inch of the natural world, Big Mama Earth is beginning to become a bit ill tempered. Writer Ryzzard Kapuscinski puts it best in his book, Another Day Of Life when he wrote, “…Mother Nature wants you dead, you pesky, little human.”

Consider the fact that in the last 60 years, we’ve set ourselves apart from the rest of the history of humanity in the fact that we are now able to complete obliterate human existence as we know it (thanks, nuclear weapons! Oh, and that’s NU-CLEE-UR, Mrs. Palin.)

It is with this in mind that I will bestow upon you MY solutions to some of the more pressing problems on our planet. While some may seem trite and some may seem a bit harsh, it doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t work.

Problem One: Global Warming

Perhaps the most hyped problem we, as a planet, currently face is that of global warming. Although a handful of science-type people have claimed over the past few days that we are now going to get a “break” from global warming until 2015ish, I haven’t seen much tangible evidence to support their claim.

Al Gore did a wonderful job of lulling people to sleep with An Inconvenient Truth and since then, global warming has held its place as a “hot button” issue. As usual, most countries found a “solution” and then, predictably overdid it. Yes, moving away from petroleum-based fuels will help…but when you put such a premium on corn, you screw up two other things. First off, the price of corn, a staple food across the globe, has skyrocketed, making it more difficult for poor people to afford. Secondly, with all of the forests that have been gutted to make more space to grow corn, it has actually done more environmental damage than the automotive emissions! And yes, “carbon credits” are about the dumbest idea since The Godfather III.

SOLUTIONS:
-First off, get a freakin’ bike, fatty! Bikes are fun…you can TOTALLY put pegs on ‘em and…ummm….bikepool to work! But please remember, “biker shorts” are only meant for a privileged few…

-Electric cars. If you think they’re “impossible,” you’re wrong. The reality is, while here in the US, auto/oil companies keep us locked into petroleum based fuels, countries such as The Netherlands, Germany, and Israel are looking to nationwide electric car swaps….check out http://www.betterplace.com for more information.

-Phish theory:
Sure, it’s a bit of a stretch (not to mention an excuse to mention Phish), but the REALITY is, as it is written, “…it’s alright this happened once before…” The FACT is, the Earth’s climate goes through phases about every 1500 years…SCIENCE PROVES IT…so relax…

El problema dos: Terrorism

FOX News (AKA Poormans’ Comedy Central) and a majority of the Bush Administration would have you believe that the reason that there have been no domestic terror attacks since 9/11 (let’s ignore that silly anthrax mail thing) is simply because The Department of Homeland Security is doing their job so darn well. However, back in a little place I like to call Realityland (I go there on vacation, but do my best not to be a resident), one can find the FACT that domestic terror incidents have stayed at a surprisingly predictable level since the early 1940’s. Let us not forget that the attacks of my 22nd birthday were not exactly the first time there has been an incident on US soil…it was just a bit larger in scale…and CNN was there…and the front page news at the time was becoming a bit too chipper for the tastes of the mass media outlets…

Building on this thought, anyone with half a brain can understand that going after any country that has “beef” with the US isn’t exactly going to curb the issue. Whether it be Syria, North Korea, or the ever maligned Iran, it seems that the US Government is more apt to “throw down” than a drunken frat boy on a Friday night.

SOLUTION:
The world needs a valium…seriously. I will try not to put my 2 fingers in the air and start singing “I Want To Take You Higher” (if you missed that reference, check out Sly Stone’s performance at Woodstock) but, as the “Global Economy” becomes more of a reality, we, as a planet, need to stop the petty crap. As has been proven by the past few months on economic downturn in the US, when one country suffers, the world is as well.

On a domestic front, perhaps if we were able to get a more rational (read as “smarter”) person in the nations’ highest office, things would turn themselves around…

Letter Three: The Dumbing Of America

Case in point, the lovely “National Stay At Home Week” campaign that one of the large TV broadcasters ran (I really don’t remember if it was CBS, NBC, or ABC.) I mean really, do we truly need to give Americans ANOTHER reason to sit in front of the television? TV makes you dumb; it’s that easy. (Please note, shows such as Doctor Who, No Reservations, and SportsCenter are exceptions to this rule.)

The fact that a majority of Americans could tell you the detailed plot of the past 2 seasons of *insert your choice of horrid TV cop/hospital drama here* but few could tell you the plot of a Charles Dickens book is a travesty. Why do we lag behind other countries in education? Maybe because we’re all watching some “C List” celebs learn to ballroom dance.

SOLUTIONS:
TURN OFF YOUR TELEVISION AND READ A BOOK! Simple.

If you can’t do that, why not simply remove the television from your kitchen…there is something to be said for actual interaction between people during a shared meal.

Oh, and they make these things called “newspapers” and they are really cool. They tell you the events from all over the country so you don’t have to be there to know what’s going on. Some even cover international stories…if you need a suggestion on which has the most thorough coverage, ask Sarah Palin.



That’s all for now…tune in next time when I will happily rip the current musical landscape to shreds…I only do it because I care…and because I get some sort of sick enjoyment out of destroying peoples’ views of their favorite bands…most of which suck...

The Choice Is Yours

As did a vast majority of the country (hopefully), I took the time to watch the first of the 2008 Presidential debates. It was a welcome change to not have one clueless candidate, and the other simply unable to generate a complete sentence. So, since you didn’t ask, here’s my .02 on what I saw…

First and foremost, I will say that I am firmly on the fence as to who I am going to vote for in 6 weeks. As usual, both candidates uses phrases and numbers that were nothing new to anyone following the elections thus far.

That being said, truckloads of accolades go to Jim Lehrer for attempting to get the candidates to actually have a DEBATE with one another! For years, it’s been more of a stump session as opposed to actual debate. Lehrer did a fine job of redirecting Obama and McCain towards one another. Hopefully, it will only increase at the rest of the debates.

There was a theme that was present thoughout the night that I’d like to bring up for discussion. It seems that, much like a large amount of the population, Obama seems to think that if we “catch” Osama BinLaden (assuming he’s still alive), somehow, this will bring down the entire Al Qaeda network. To me, that’s like saying if I knock over a telephone pole, it will knock out AT&T’s service across the country. Sure, BinLaden is the face of the group, but if you really think it though, the capture/death/whatever of BinLaden would more likely re-energize his followers as opposed to demoralize them.

***THIS PARAGRAPH HAS BEEN REMOVED BECAUSE I NEED TO KEEP MY JOB AT THE MOMENT...IT WAS ABOUT OBAMA'S IDEA TO HAVE A LAPTOP FOR EVERY STUDENT...FOR THE CONTENT OF THE CENSORED PARAGRAPH, EMAIL ME***

One thing that I found, for lack of a better word, was the tiff over who is the more fashionable and trendy. This came up when McCain mentioned that he got one of those silly silicone bracelets from some Iraq casualties’ Mom. The opening to Obama’s next statement was pretty much, “Oh, you’ve got a bracelet for a dead soldier? Well, I’VE got one too!!” I was equally put off my both of them on this…it’s not that I don’t care…oh wait, yes it is. Both candidates came off as spoiled teenagers trying to one-up the other with their trendiness....

So in short, neither McCain nor Obama was impressive enough to sway me to their side. Obama had lots of facts and statistics, but lacked any solid ideas for change. McCain seemed quite sure of himself, perhaps to the point where one could seriously question whether or not he’d be able to listen to the ideas of others.

Hopefully, one of them will fair better during the next debate…


Favorite comment of the evening: “There is no doubt, as President, I’m gonna have to make some tough decisions.” -Barack Obama

Oh…and someone needs to tell John McCain to stop clutching that pen in his right hand all the time…it makes him look like Bob Dole…

It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

...yeah, yeah….I know it’s been MONTHS since I last posted something, but, well, things got just a bit beyond crazy-busy and I simply had not time to write. But fear not, I’ve a number of wonderful musings and things should be back to “normal” once I figure out exactly what normal actually is…

Obviously, the past week is a rather somber one…the anniversary of the death of Johnny Cash (last Friday), and of course, today marking 4 years since the world lost Johnny Ramone. With that in mind, in a roundabout way, “death” will be the overall topic this time around…

Sometimes, it simply baffles me just how stupid people can be. OK, let’s be fair, it ALWAYS baffles me with just how stupid people can be. Horrible driving and deplorable taste in music aside, we still live in a society where people will latch onto nearly any trend or mindset. A majority of people would rather someone else do the thinking for them. Don’t believe it? Then explain how Limp Biscuit and Britney Spears CONTINUE to outsell John Coltrane, The Rolling Stones, and Pearl Jam on a weekly basis. (that’s fact…check out the soundscan charts)

Perhaps this “want” is no more clear (read as “amusing”) then when it comes to so called “doomsday cults.” Whether we’re talking Hale-Bopp (‘member them? Wait…you want me to cut off WHAT???) or the yahoo’s on the streets of every major city (movie set), these “Doomsday” theorists are among the best salesmen the world has ever seen. The usual line of reasoning tends to be something along the lines of, “Well, this random civilization said such and such thousands of years ago…it must be true!”

Off the top of my head, I believe the world was supposed to end on 1999/12/31 (great concert), 2002/09/11 (decent birthday), and 2006/06/06 (lotta goth kids got married) to name a few. Hold on, lemme go check……….


…nope, we’re still here….the world didn’t end.


Now we’ve got this amusing “2012” armageddon theory which seems to be a little less researched and trustworthy than your average Wikipedia entry. I mean really, is someone letting Jayson Blair have access to the general public again? (Oooh! That’s a deep reference!) Seriously, the reasoning behind most of these doomsday cults is only surpassed in hilarity by the general demeanor of their followers.

In short, by using an ancient Mayan calendar, the world is supposed to end on December 21, 2012. Now hold on…I want to get this straight…the main reasoning behind this theory is that, since this ancient calendar ends on what is translated into that date, the world must end? Well, what about OTHER civilizations? I mean, how about those silly Greeks and Romans? I know that as civilizations, they didn’t really give much to society as a whole, but they did come up with this interesting thing called a perpetual calendar.

I mean, really…as a worldwide society, we can’t even agree on what YEAR it is! Some cultures have the current year closer to 6012 than 2012. As the great Douglas Adams wrote, “Time, is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so.”

…just one last thought….my “day planner” only runs through August 4 of 2009….does than mean the world will end that day? OH NO!!!

On an even more recent note, there was (and still is) a worldwide freakout in anticipation of the activation and usage of the Large Hadron Collider. (If you don’t know what it is, go google it and get a clue!) People are basically claiming that this machine will create a black hole and suck the entire Earth inside.

Now, I am not saying they’re wrong…I am just saying that I am going to go out on a limb and have faith (or man, did I just use that word?) in the scientists behind the project.

Oh, and if the black hole theorists are correct, they should have just enough time to say “told ya so” before being sucked into an endless vacuum of nothingness!

As a side note, am I the only one who finds it pee-in-your-pants funny that people think that a bunker and a months supply of baked beans will save them when the world ends? I mean, that’s about as funny as duct tape on the windows to protect you from chemical bomb fallout!


So, what’s the point, right? Come on Joel! Did you seriously just waste my time to make no point at all?

If I said “yes,” would you hate me? Really? You would? Fine! I’ll come up with a point…gimme a second…………………….



OK, got one!


So, we’ve got all of these wonderfully insane people who truly believe that the world is going to end on a VERY specific day for a very specific reason. (We’ll no longer question the validity of said reason…just so we can wrap this up…)

Then, the question begs, exactly what difference does it make? It seems to me that if you’re so sure that the world is going to end sometime in the next thousand days, there’s a plethora of things to do that are more worthwhile than running around spouting off “warnings” to others.

It’s the age old question, “If you had 2 years left to live, what would you do?” Apparently, most of these people share the same answer: “I’d be Henny Penny.”

Why Go Down In A Hole, Zero?

There are moments in life where one can clearly remember where they were and what they were doing. The birth of a child (so I’ve been told), the death of an icon, a national tragedy, etc. to name a few. Being as fanatical about music as I am, I can vividly recall the moments when my life changed musically.

I was lucky enough to be an overly-impressionable teenager when the world of music took a sharp turn and new sonic landscapes (I apologize in advance for overusing this term…my brain was a bit stuck) and trends were unleashed upon the world.

One can make the case (as I will) that 1990-1995 saw a period of musical exploration not seen since the late 1960s. As grunge thankfully buried “hair metal” (and Paula Abdul), rap, electronica, and industrial music seemingly overwhelmed the airwaves. “Top 40” radio stations were forced to become beautifully eclectic.

Nearly 2 decades later, I have decided to revisit three records that continue to have a profound impact on my life. I am not trying to say that these are the three most significant albums of that time frame (as one can make the case that Dr. Dre, Nirvana, and Trent Reznor hold those titles), however, they were monstrous then, and are still just as relevant and brilliant today.


Pearl Jam, Ten (1991, Epic Records)
Released barely one month before Nirvana’s Nevermind (Aug 27 vs Sept 24), Pearl Jam’s debut album was somewhat overshadowed. Due to the proximity of their release, as well as their combined impact on the musical landscape, it is quite difficult to discuss one of these two records without the other…I will do my best…

If I were to sum up Ten, in one word, it may very well be with the word “perfection.” As far as I am concerned, and some may argue (I can think of 3 people off the top of my head), Pearl Jam has never made a better record. That is not to say their other records are not good, but Ten stands tall above the rest.

Clocking in at just under an hour, Ten has a strange sense of urgency that was overall missing from music of the time. Screaming guitars playing massively catchy melodies combined with dark, yet determined lyrics, Ten gave the world a glimpse at just what was going on in the Seattle music scene.

…and of course, one cannot overlook the now iconic vocal work of Eddie Vedder. Vedder, who unknowingly replaced Jordan Knight and Bret Michaels posters across the country, has a voice that levels every listener the first time they hear him. His voice has the ability to stop you in your tracks with his opera-esque vocal delivery.

The opening quartet of songs on Ten (Once, Even Flow, Alive, Why Go) assault the listener like a heavyweight boxer who just won’t let up. Each song drops in at full speed and force and almost stares back at you to catch up. Walking the line between singing and screaming, Vedder’s vocals are nearly gibberish at some points. Truth be told, nearly all fans of this album have had to find the lyrics to understand just WHAT Eddie was singing.

The albums’ second single (Even Flow was the first), “Alive” still resonates with as much impact as the day it was released. The chorus is a defiant fist in the air, pronouncing, “Yeah, I shouldn’t be for so many reasons, but I’m still alive!”

If one were to DEMAND finding a flaw in the album, it could only be in the order of the middle section of songs. After more than 15 years of dedicated listening, I have found that if one swaps the placement of “Black” with that of “Jeremy,” the feel and flow of the record are greatly improved. Thanks to the modern technology of the iPod, this can be done quite easily.

The albums’ denouement (oh! A college word!), consisting of “Garden,” “Deep,
and “Release” gives us a peek at the other side of this now legendary band. Moving to far more complex musical arrangements (while keeping the same dark subject matter), the band creates sonic landscapes that are almost out of place with the sheer “rock” of the albums’ first side.

Though Nevermind, gained far more critical acclaim, after nearly 2 decades of debate, there is very little argument that Ten is NOT the superior album.


Alice In Chains, Dirt (1992, Columbia Records)
Though he is often overlooked due to his appearance and the overall sound of the band, one cannot deny Layne Staley’s place as one of the finest vocalists in history. Try as they might, NOBODY can even come close to the raw honesty, combined with sheer power that Layne was able to achieve. There are countless times across the AIC catalog where it truly seems that Layne is singing from the “other side.”

The opening seconds of Dirt leave no time for the listener to prepare. A trio of “Them Bones,” “Dam That River,” and “Rain When I Die” beats you into grunge-metal submission. Driving rhythm guitars overlain by Jerry Cantrell’s signature solos provide the perfect wall for Layne to stand against. The bassline on “Rain When I Die” personifies the “scary, yet somehow friendly” vibe that AIC achieved throughout their career.

Obviously, the album is best known for its SECOND single, “Rooster” (“Would?” was, in fact, the first single off the album). The tale of a Vietnam solider would have fit perfectly into the score of Apocalypse Now. Since most people are quite familiar with the song, I will only say that a different (better) version can be found on the Music Bank box set.

The tail end of the album closes with the tandem of “Angry Chair” and the aforementioned “Would?” Again, simple yet brilliant basslines drive the songs and Layne tears through song after song, bring the listener along through the failings of an addict.

I’ll be honest, there are no “bright points” on Dirt. It is a dark and depressing journey through the mind of a man knowing he was badly losing a battle with drugs. However, the music is a perfect fusion of heavy metal and grunge; a recipe that countless bands have since attempted to copy (see Korn, Papa Roach, or any of that sort of garbage).

Sadly, on April 5, 2002, Layne lost his long battle with heroin. One must listen and understand how lucky we all are to have these remnants of a truly amazing musical talent.


Smashing Pumpkins, Mellon Collie & The Infinite Sadness (1995, Virgin)
While Siamese Dream catapulted the Smashing Pumpkins to stardom, it was their follow-up album, the 2-disc (6 sides of vinyl) set, Mellon Collie & The Infinite Sadness that truly made the band shine. Making a single album of great music is a daunting enough task; yet the Pumpkins were able to offer nearly 30 songs spread over 2 hours of superb musical mastery.

The album, split into halves called Dawn To Dusk and Twilight to Starlight (though the vinyl version has a different order as well as 2 additional songs), follow a steady, yet meandering storyline. From the abrasive “Zero” to the industrial “Love” to the rolling melodies of “To Forgive,” the first half of the album truly spotlight both the musical and lyrical prowess of Billy Corgan.

The second half of MCIS is far darker and more unassuming in nature. The vast majority of people are not as familiar with this half of the album as the band only released one of its songs as a single (“1979”). As far as I am concerned, it is the second half of MCIS where the Pumpkins take the album from “great” to “genius.”

Highlighted by the borderline pop of “Thirty-Three,” the heartbreaking “Stumbline” and the Syd Barrett-esque sound of “We Only Come Out At Night,” one realizes that this half alone could have been a monumental release.

The absolute gem of Mellon Collie & The Infinite Sadness is the final song, “Farewell & Goodnight.” Written by the band as a whole, each band member takes a crack at this gothically textured lullaby, Simple instrumentation and unaltered, quiet vocals of some of Corgan’s most wonderful lyrics make this song nearly overshadow the entire other 120 minutes previous.

The album closes, appropriately enough, with a short reprise of the opening piano piece.

If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao...

Let me begin by saying that I have no problems whatsoever with Chinese people in general. I enjoy their food, culture, bootlegged movies, lead based toys, and the long running joke of a little album called “Chinese Democracy” as much as the next person. However, their government is really starting to piss me off….

I am going to assume that everyone is well aware of the seemingly endless instances of human rights violations in China. Whether it be child labor, sweat shops, or the torturing and murder of anyone who doesn’t “tow the line” of the Chinese government, the horrific stories have been told many times already.

That being said, a few days back, the Chinese government sentenced a man named Yang Chunlin to five years in a state run prison. His charge? “Subverting the Power Of The State.” Yang spent the last few weeks getting over 10,000 of his brave countrymen to sign an open letter titled, “We Want Human Rights In China, Not The Olympics.”

Yep, no violence or open protests, just a group of words on a page. Now, I understand that we are talking about a country that has blocked YouTube, put HEAVY filters on Google, and just this morning, cut away to a pre-taped scene so that Chinese citizens could not see the protests at the torch lighting ceremony in Olympia (Greece, not Washington).

An optimist would look at this as a “pen is mightier than the sword” moment…I, however, am not that optimist.

Moving away from the Olympics for a moment, I am sure you have been aware of the happy, friendly discussions that have been taking place on the streets of Lhasa (that’s the capital of Tibet for those of you who forgot). China, who doesn’t play well with people who disagree with them, did their best (and failed) to spin the recent protests in their favor. Blaming the exiled (since 1959) Dali Llama for the violence, the clashes between Tibetan-independence protesters and Chinese military ended with nearly 200 dead.

How did China respond? They kicked out all of the foreign reporters and closed the Tibetan borders to any incoming foreigners. No more pesky foreign reporters will be able to disagree with “official” reports from the Chinese government. The Chinese government also issued a statement that, "Citizens who declare and expose these criminals (the protesters) will be protected and rewarded." What better way to cause all out chaos than to turn ones neighbors against each other? Divide and conquer.

The reality remains, China is one of the largest economic powers in the world. No nation wants to hurt these relations by insulting the Chinese government by requesting that they relax with the countless violations of human rights and allow their people to have access to information that is not state run.

If the Chinese government says the sky is red, then DAMNIT, you’d better comment on how lovely it is that the sky now matches the flag. I am not going to pretend that China’s government is Communist…let’s be realistic, it’s a dictatorship. They exert full control over what can be seen, heard, accessed, discussed, etc in their country as well as in any other areas over which they exert their power.

Sound like anyone else we know?

*think about it*

c’mon….THINK! Who else do we know that exerts complete control over the country they run and kills anyone who disagrees?

OH NO! We can’t group Hu Jintao (and isn’t ironic that his name is pronounced the same as the Chinese villain in 1998’s Rush Hour?) with the likes of Saddam Hussein or Kim Jong-il! Both Saddam and Jong-il controlled the media in their respective countries. Both were accused of endless mistreatment, torture, wrongful imprisonment, and murder of their own people. THEY were/are crazy and did/do horrible things to their people! China is different!

No, China is an economic super-power and has a large army (and nuclear weapons).

THAT is the difference!

Bad Bloating And Gas

Much like a majority of the nation, along the shores of Lake Erie, gas spiked 30 cents yesterday. This once again raises the question of when, if ever, the general public will decide that “enough is enough” and actually get off their collective fat asses and be proactive about change. The United States is dealing with the dollar approaching its weakest point in nearly a century, as well as the first nationwide drop in home prices since the Great Depression (that was the late 1920’s-1930’s for those of you who slept through that class).

But, the big question is “who” is to blame for the fact that gas prices are more than 3 times what they were in 2003.

The oil companies (we’ll stick to BP, Exxon-Mobil, Chevron, and ConocoPhillips for the sake of argument) would have you believe that the increased cost of crude oil is responsible for them being “forced” to drive up the price at the pump. To this point, it is true that (as of 2008/03/11) the price per barrel is, in fact, at an all time record of about $108. But, let just look a bit closer into how much they have been “forced” into this unfortunate situation of “having” to raise prices at the pump.

First off, there is the fact that, in the fourth quarter of 2007, the oil companies were reporting earnings of “nearly $10 million an hour.” Let’s work with that figure, shall we?

That statistic would mean that the gas companies are earning the better part of:
$240 million each day
or
$1.68 BILLION each week
or
$7.2 BILLION each month (30 days)

So, can someone PLEASE explain to me how ANY company can be losing money with these numbers? If the “pump price” of gas was to be cut in half, that would still leave the oil companies with well over 3 billion dollars each month. I would hope (read as “assume”) that these oil companies, which are some of the largest corporations in the world, could find SOME way to adjust their business plans and stay afloat (read as “your CEO can make 3 million instead of 7 million a year and still feed his family”).

Pissed off yet?

No? Fine, I will continue.

Try this one on for size…in 2007, ALL of the oil companies listed above posted RECORD profits!

R-E-C-O-R-D P-R-O-F-I-T-S!!!

In other words, while you are straining to keep your tank filled, the oil companies are making more money than ever!

It doesn’t take a Bloomberg News talking head to understand that, unless there are actions “forcing” the oil companies to lower prices, they won’t. It is capitalism in its purest sense: If someone will pay $3.50 for something, why only charge them $2? The only way to get gas prices back down is to DEMAND that your ELECTED representatives take strong actions against the oil companies.

Being realistic, the current MENSA member in the Oval Office isn’t going to do much about the issue. First off, he’s on his way out. Secondly, it’s no secret that he has MANY ties to the big energy companies…nobody wants to hurt their friends’ bottom line.

Insofar as the 3 remaining Presidential candidates, they have all been quite clear in how (if at all), they would curtail the rise in gas prices. (NOTE: I have NO bias on the candidates…I still do not know who I will vote for in November). Both Clinton and Obama claim to be proponents of legislation that would tax the oil companies and use those funds to invest in renewable energy sources. Senator McCain has skipped the last 2 votes on bills that would direct tax money to solar/wind energy projects. Remember though, the President has little power to make such changes when compared to the power that is held by those in Congress.

In closing, there are a few options to deal with the never-ending increase in gas prices:
1. Drive less
2. Contact your elected officials and express your discontent…regularly…like, weekly…
3. Find alternative transportation (bikes, skateboards, shoes)
4. Public transportation/carpools
5. Get a better job
6. Move